Okay let's do a comparison...if my life were a brain it would be scattered, now here's where I jump in I'm like Dr. Shepard from Grey's Anatomy when he's going through his slump and he doesn't want to operate anymore...yeah that's me. I'm trying I guess but I feel like I'm not trying hard enough, I guess I'm just being impatient I can't expect everything to be resolved at the snap of my fingers so yes I'm being impatient...very impatient.
I guess I'll just wait, just wait...oh brother.
Thursday, April 2, 2009
Saturday, March 28, 2009
i forgot what it felt like.
running, it's so beautiful. it's so cold outside but i love when the rain hits my head and my feet are hitting the ground and all i have to worry about is my stride and i can just be so free...it's the best feeling for me. i've let way too much stop me from from starting up again but not anymore no more excuses i'm back in the game. :)
on another note, friends i miss them. this apartment is getting kinda lonely. it takes awhile for me to adjust, especially now...i'm on my own, it's great i'm just learning i guess i've never been alone. my friends have been dropping like flies although it breaks my heart it has made some of my other friendships stronger. i've grown up in the last month as stupid as it sounds but i really have.
i wish the weather would be warmer...and it would stop changing it's getting rather irritating to be honest.
somebody brought something to my attention that really really caught me off guard...she said that i need to stop double guessing myself and be more confidant in order to be an emt...i think it's true. i'm trying to start working on it i don't know how but i will. i'll thank her someday for that i know i will. learn how to accept constructive criticism and improve lesson number 1 from the limited :) let's see what else that place has in store for me...
well catch y'all on the flip side
peace and love!
on another note, friends i miss them. this apartment is getting kinda lonely. it takes awhile for me to adjust, especially now...i'm on my own, it's great i'm just learning i guess i've never been alone. my friends have been dropping like flies although it breaks my heart it has made some of my other friendships stronger. i've grown up in the last month as stupid as it sounds but i really have.
i wish the weather would be warmer...and it would stop changing it's getting rather irritating to be honest.
somebody brought something to my attention that really really caught me off guard...she said that i need to stop double guessing myself and be more confidant in order to be an emt...i think it's true. i'm trying to start working on it i don't know how but i will. i'll thank her someday for that i know i will. learn how to accept constructive criticism and improve lesson number 1 from the limited :) let's see what else that place has in store for me...
well catch y'all on the flip side
peace and love!
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
I'm too young to feel this old...
Work...ugh.
"I've never ever cried when I was feeling down
I've always been scared of the sound
Jesus dont love me, no one ever carried my load
I'm too young to feel this old "
"I've never ever cried when I was feeling down
I've always been scared of the sound
Jesus dont love me, no one ever carried my load
I'm too young to feel this old "
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
i loosen my tie...
I've been moving working, sleeping, working, moving, sleeping. Losing my social life. although it's kind of good that I've been taking it easy on the booze cause God knows I would have abused it and that scares the hell out of me.
The past couple of weeks have gone good overall though. I've been hanging out with Mel a lot and I learned that i like the chill life style rather than the got out and get drunk at bars life style all the time. I saw a good friends that I truly missed dearly. I'm living in Wheaton now, it's nice to have a nice quiet place to be. I don't dread going home anymore. I have my own space although it's a little lonely at times I'm glad I'm here.I feel more healthy but really guilty. It was easy to move to Kenosha cause it was harder to go home. But it's only a 30 minute drive from here. Everytime I see my Grandparents I wonder if it's gonna be the last time, it breaks my heart everytime my Grandma tells me it's a mircle that I let myself be seen. I don't know why I'm venting so much here maybe it's good maybe it's bad, either way I could care less.
It's getting closer to fall semester and I'm getting nervous, what if I'm not good enough, what if i can't afford it. How am I gonna make this happen? It's all running through my head I got to get it together. The sad part is I'm not scared about the actual learning and getting certified it's the financial burden on top of my carthage bill...it's gonna be ridiculous. I need a loan but I'm sure I won't get one. Negativity, god damn negativity I'm full of it. One thing is for sure the limited is not gonna get in my way of my career.
Love interest? he's there :) Before I reveal him I want to make sure it's for sure...be patient.
love and peace out!
"given a chance
i wanna be somebody
if for one dance
i wanna be somebody
open the door
it's gonna make you love me
facing the door
i wanna be somebody"
The past couple of weeks have gone good overall though. I've been hanging out with Mel a lot and I learned that i like the chill life style rather than the got out and get drunk at bars life style all the time. I saw a good friends that I truly missed dearly. I'm living in Wheaton now, it's nice to have a nice quiet place to be. I don't dread going home anymore. I have my own space although it's a little lonely at times I'm glad I'm here.I feel more healthy but really guilty. It was easy to move to Kenosha cause it was harder to go home. But it's only a 30 minute drive from here. Everytime I see my Grandparents I wonder if it's gonna be the last time, it breaks my heart everytime my Grandma tells me it's a mircle that I let myself be seen. I don't know why I'm venting so much here maybe it's good maybe it's bad, either way I could care less.
It's getting closer to fall semester and I'm getting nervous, what if I'm not good enough, what if i can't afford it. How am I gonna make this happen? It's all running through my head I got to get it together. The sad part is I'm not scared about the actual learning and getting certified it's the financial burden on top of my carthage bill...it's gonna be ridiculous. I need a loan but I'm sure I won't get one. Negativity, god damn negativity I'm full of it. One thing is for sure the limited is not gonna get in my way of my career.
Love interest? he's there :) Before I reveal him I want to make sure it's for sure...be patient.
love and peace out!
"given a chance
i wanna be somebody
if for one dance
i wanna be somebody
open the door
it's gonna make you love me
facing the door
i wanna be somebody"
Thursday, February 26, 2009
exausted...
okay so i didn't get ashes yesterday...and for the first time in years i didn't get guilted into going. i'm not giving anything up for lent cause i don't think that's the right thing to do...i mean i respect it and people who believe it it's their beliefs they have every right. i just think instead of giving something up i should do more good things, be nicer to people, call my grandma back or answer her phone calls when she calls, take jena for walks and spend more time with my family. i think that's fair, no?
anyways, all this has been going through my mind plus the stores not doing well so i have to work super fast so i don't waste hours.my knees and legs hurt cause it's raining. i was suppose to have yesterday off but i had to go in cause we got slammed with freight. it's floorset weekend so a bunch of shit has to be done that we usually have done but since it's been hella slow there's not enough hours. today was entertaining though amy was hilarious i heart that lady.
anyways i haven't ran since monday :( i'm slacking off. i move next week. :) i have to figure out how to move my bed...rats. any suggestions? it's a queen size.
anyways, all this has been going through my mind plus the stores not doing well so i have to work super fast so i don't waste hours.my knees and legs hurt cause it's raining. i was suppose to have yesterday off but i had to go in cause we got slammed with freight. it's floorset weekend so a bunch of shit has to be done that we usually have done but since it's been hella slow there's not enough hours. today was entertaining though amy was hilarious i heart that lady.
anyways i haven't ran since monday :( i'm slacking off. i move next week. :) i have to figure out how to move my bed...rats. any suggestions? it's a queen size.
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
inspired...
I know it's crazy but I was watching Schindler's list and in spite of my rage against the horrible disgusting things the Nazi's did, I felt inspired...to become an EMT. I mean it was gonna happen but now I just can't wait. I'm ready.
"whoever saves one life saves the world entire"
love and peace.
Mari
"whoever saves one life saves the world entire"
love and peace.
Mari
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
when you scan the radio i hope this song will guide you....
Some days are just harder than others...today was a hard one. No particular reason. I don't know. Anyone can vouch for me when I say I'm a goof and I joke way more than i should. Today someone put that all in perspective for me. Maybe that's not me, maybe it's me covering all the bad things that I feel inside. I've never felt this way before, I'm not sad or angry just really confused and bothered by everything that I usually just let slide by me. Maybe I just let everything build up in me and I let too many people walk all over me...Maybe I've just been running away for far too long...
love and peace out.
Mari.
love and peace out.
Mari.
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